The greatest gift .

Hajjah Noresah Binte Haji Ramly .

The lady that took care of me right after I was born till now .
The lady that would accept for who I am .
The lady that is willing to take me in anytime .
The lady that is always siding me .
The lady that is always willing to do anything for me .
The lady that will sacrifice anything for me .
The lady that loves me .
And I love her too .

Happy 47th Birthday Mak .
I've never regard her as an auntie but as a mother to me .
She taught me the values of life , she was there for me every single time when I was down .
When I went missing , she fainted , she cried , she shivered .
That was when I realise , she really really love me .
I've spent 14 years of my life with her .
I love my mother , and I never wanna lose her .
No one knows how much I treasure her . I may not show it cause I do not know h
Mak , adik doakan agar Mak dipanjangkan umur dan dimurahkan rezeki . Adik akan doakan kebahagiaan mak. Semoga mak di lindungi dari sebarang kejahatan .

I love you .

Helpless.

I've moved on with life . I know I've not been posting much here . Too many things that has happened in mylife . A month of running away , police cases , expelled , there's just too many too mention . But still , i'm standing strong . And I'm proud of it .

Well , some things happened and when it happened , I get to see who were my true ones and who are just using me. It's obvious . And I appreciate that FINALLY , I get to see . I was blinded by their attitude , and that is my weakness . I'm too naive . I can easily be played . Another weakness in me is , i like to judge people by raw . And when I get to know them further , i realise that my interpretations can be a total joke . It can make me laugh a little , but i know , i made a big mistake .

Okay stop .

Moving on to love . After countless heartbreaking events , i finally settled with one lad . And i really hope our love will continue and never stop . Don't go breaking my heart . You know well , that I need you in my life to move on . It's only just the beginning . We got a long way to go . and i'm willing to sacrifice almost anything . for you .
I don't want you to leave me and go with her . I need you here with me. Please don't go .

I just hope my life would change for the better .

What the fuck ? I've never felt so cheap so as to get cheated by you. It's so clear to me now that you're just using me right , jerk ? Right ? Oh well , it's about time . I'm glad I realised it earlier . Yeah . So much earlier . I regret for having high hopes on you ass hole . I hate you .

I'm torn apart. I find everything right now very confusing. Everything's in a mess. It's out of place. No , wait . At least , I don't understand what I want. For one second you made me happy and another, you made me feel as if im a fool to think that we'll be in a relationship. So I guess the problem is with me and no one else. Last night , had one good cry before I went to sleep.I felt resigned. I can't help it. I hate it. It's been countless times in a row that my heart is broken. It's really heartbreaking. I mean, right now, I don't even have the motivation to continue with my life. I know, i shan't be negative. But tell me honestly , what hopes do I have? Zilch! I hate being frustrated. I hate it that I'm always in a bad mood. I hate it , I hate it . But boy , know this, I'm willing to wait for you. I really mean it . i just wish you weren't that difficult to figure out. Well , truthfully i'm tired of being treated this away again and again. So , I guess , this is goodbye . Yes , im a loser , i gave up . cause I don't have the strength to walk on this road knowing that from time to time ima get hurt. Enough of all this. It's time I cherish my life and find happiness.

Goodbye sweetlove.

I loved you enough to take your shits.

Pain after pain. Im tired of living with pain. And I realise I may not be the only one in this tight situation. But sigh, you can't help feeling useless. You can't help feeling like there's no place in this world for you. So, what's the point ? I just feel like giving up in life. I don't see a point to continue this. It gets even more pathetic when I'm not enjoying my own bloody life. See , I really don't have anyone in this world if I were to think deep down. I mean , I used to have my father by my side whenever i'm feeling down or just felt like letting it all out, but where is he now? His own daughter doesn't even know. Pathetic ? I don't understand him sometimes. I mean, I'm his only bloody daughter and it feels like he has to take care of 1000s of children. Which is bullshit seriously. I mean, he chose a pretty young girl whom only God knows what she's really upto over he's daughter who have been there for him all his life. I mean, this is not discrimination of one's father, but , sometimes , you just feel like letting it all out. Papa, I love you. Don't do this to me .



So I got to know this guy from my school whom I've had a crush on for quite some time. And , I mean he's nice and all , but you know sometimes you just have this strange feeling in you that it's not working ? I don't see myself with him. I don't know . I hate this confusion in me that never fails to give me that sense of uncertainty. Shit. I really wish I could be with him. But what's the use of being in a love that is only one sided? There's no point at all. I guess , like I always do, I have to wait. Sigh. It doesn't matter .

Anything that’s worth having ,
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quitting’s out of the question
When it gets tough gotta fight some more

I miss getting hugs and kisses on the forehead :'(

Well I admit , it's getting hard to forget you . Really hard . Cause you made such great impact in my life . But then , when I think again, you don't deserve this loyalty and love . Given the way you've been treating me , proves that you're such an asshole . Such a jerk . NOT a gentlemen . Nuh - uh . Yes , well done . You got what you wanted . For me to hate you . And yes , Eerfan Ahmad , I'm really hating you so much for it. So much. Yes , im full of revenge . and no , you haven't seen the worst of me , you have yet to see and that time will come fast .Mark my words , Mister ! You are gonna get what you deserve well . And hell yeah , you won't like it . You're gonna abhor it so much . And I swear , you won't be livin in peace fucker .

Hugs And Kisses .
Mwarks !

Right now , I just need to relax . I need to find inner peace . Some soul searching must be done , pronto . See , what happened , really affected me badly mentally and physically . I don't even know who am I anymore . What is my purpose in life ? What on earth , am I even doing here ? And , worst still , I lost the touch of love . I'm being the old naive Sasha . The one that is scared of everything , and want nothing but to be alone in darkness . See , how pathetic can you be to put me in such situation . You're so ruthless . Hurrrr . I need support . But sadly , there's none . What these people in my life are giving me , are not support even though they shamelessly admit it that way . Their words , of ' wisdom' appears to be hurtful . It hurts more than the ugly truth . Which , sums everything up , and placed perfectly . It's bringing me nowhere .



Frustrations .
Ugh . It's so hard to forget everything and live life like all those shits never ever happened . Maybe there's something wrong with me . I really need a break . I mean physically . I can't do my daily stuffs the right way anymore . Look at the damage you've done Mister , well thumbs up . Cause you got what you want . And it's almost as if you've planned everything beforehand and .... tada . Your 'hard work' paid off . All I'm asking for , is just one chance , for me to slap you hard right across your face. And that , would make me feel like the happiest girl on Earth . Yeah . If not , to find yourself in a tight situation where alot of damage is done to you , will make me feel happy too . You deserved it . I sound so bitchy . Oh well , but who cares .






I can't help myself , I keep playing with fire .

Perhaps we were never meant to be.But 10 years down the road, And if you would ask yourself about us , you can never know the answer. Cause you didn't give this love a chance . Ask yourself, how can you tolerate such childish behaviour for months. Yes, Months . Listen , ask yourself . Cause for all I know , I'm waiting very much patiently here , for you to come back to me. Cause all I asked for is just one more chance for us to make up the past that was thrown away meaninglessly. I wanna walk down this road with you. Not aimlessly. I want our relationship to be abundant. I know, like it or not , i have to face the music.Accept whatever's done. But if you were right here in my place , would you huh ? I loved you so much , I cherished our relationship , but in the end , reality slapped me hard right in my face . Without knowing , it was you , the person I respected and love, who tortured me with the ugly truth . Many at times, I felt like giving this dream up. This dream that I'm very sure will never come true , but , that's what hurts the most . Hit me like a ton of bricks .

if you think im not worth it for you to stay, don't turn around & just leave.

Some of us remember the moment, where it was, why it happened. Others remember the exact day it happened, what we were wearing, and exactly where we were standing.

But we all remember the moment our hearts slipped off our sleeves, and broke like glass into hundreds of broken pieces as it hit the ground.

At that second, love no longer was forever, and we knew we’d never think it was again.

i suddenly found myself wishing that people wore their feelings on their sleeve. i wish that it didn’t have to take much to figure out another’s mind or their intentions. i am truly tired of never-ending guessing games, where nothing is for sure and certain and everything else is up for speculation.

i wish people spoke their minds like they spoke their sugarcoated white lies. i wish people actually say the things that are on their minds. i wish people didn’t feel the need to dress everything up and make it sound pretty.

give it to me raw, please. i’d rather know the truth than walk in a lie.


i really don't wish to see his face again. i really don't want to.
& i mean it when i say, don't expect me to talk to him.
even if he apologises, i still won't care.
cause a 'Sorry' can never take away the pain i went through.
period.

All I’d ever wanted was to forget. But even when I thought I had, pieces of those lost memories kept emerging, like bits of wood floating up to the surface that only hint at the shipwreck below.

I often think about what it would be like if none of this ever happened. If we hadn’t met each other, and we continued to live our lives without ever encountering each other.

I used to wish for it, but I no longer do because that would mean I would be without the memories we made together.

They’re all I have left.

You're a chapter in the past now. But i'm not going to close our book. I'm just turning the page over.

at times, i feel like a heartless person. emotionless, so cold. but i knw im not heartless. i know i have a heart because i can feel it breaking. every sec, every min of the day. my heart is in the middle of a warzone. it's battling real hard with my conscience. no other casualties, but me. this is the worst battle ever; having to choose between what i know and what i feel. like an excerpt taken from Memoirs of a Geisha, it says, “I don’t think any of us can speak frankly about pain until we are no longer enduring it."

i really don't know what to feel.

disappointment from a person you love is easily one of the worst things to go through. it’s forgivable when you care, and you can move on. but when it repeatedly happens, a breaking point is reachable. it hits you suddenly, there is no going back from it. no amount of apology brings it back to being okay.

sometimes you’re not mad at the person at all.

sometimes, you’re just done.

the thing about addiction is, it never ends well. agree? because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high, stops feeling good, and starts to hurt. still, they say you don’t kick the habit until you hit rock bottom. but how do you know when you are there? because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes, letting it go hurts even worse.

but ironically,

im going to smile and make you think im happy, im going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, im going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- im still going to smile.

im resorting to the cold turkey treatment.

goodbye , sweetlove of my life.